A Twisted Beauty and her Beast
by RenesmeeCarlieBlackxo
Summary: Claire succumbs to her inner depression years after Quil has abandoned her and withdrawn all the promises he made to her before he left. She fights viciously to hold onto her quickly fading memories as she suffers the hardships of Quil's betrayal.
1. Chapter 1: Happy Birthday Claire

Chapter 1: Happy Birthday Claire

I ran silently through the forest with negligent ease, the frosted ground flying beneath my feet and the sky just a faint blur as a propelled myself to go further. I dashed through the trees, the wind whipping my hair behind me, making the gentle curls tousle softly. I could not find in me the desire to stop or to return from where I had come. The energy and anger that propelled me overtook my being as I ran away from the painful reality that was my life. Nightfall came gradually, the glowing moon dispelling a faint glimmer of light through the crevices of the treetops. My anger had vanished and now sadness and fear conquered me. I collapsed onto the ground and curled myself against the tree, succumbing to my internal depression. The tears slid slowly down my cheeks as I allowed myself to remember. The gaping hole in my heart ached as I let the pain overpower me. I clutched at my chest and sobbed as I remember the meaningless promises he had made to me, before he disappeared from my life and left me alone to wallow in my sadness.

Today was the twentieth of December, my eighteenth birthday and the third anniversary of Quil's departure. My birthdays were never celebrated anymore, everyone understanding that to me this cursed day was a reminder of him, a time to mourn. Nothing had been the same after he left me. He had told that I would move on; there would be no more reminders. I laughed internally and without humor as he said this with a ring of finality. How could there be no more reminders? Living on the Makah reservation, only twenty minutes away from visiting everything that reminded me of him in La Push, I would always have reminders. Little did I know that I truly would be living without reminders. Emily and Sam ceased to visit or call, and my pathetic attempts at contact were met with disappointment. I remember escaping one day, running with all my strength towards the one place I would feel safe, La Push. When had reached my destination, it was gone. Quil's house and all reminders of him, eradicated. I remember crumpling to the ground, crying fearlessly for all to hear my mourning. Unconsciousness came rapidly; I welcomed the numbing black hole my mind had driven itself towards. When I had awoken from my oblivion, I back in my home lying in my bed.

My only friends had also left me. Jacob, Seth, Embry, Paul, Jared, all of them. Being around Quil I began to grow to love his friends. Jacob and Seth were comforts to me, reminders of Quil. They had kind personalities and a willingness to listen to my fears when Quil was not there. They were like brothers to me. Embry was a crack-up. Even though at times I wished I were strong enough to actually to cause him serious damage when he pushed me overboard with those witty comments, everyone, including him, knew that I loved him and although he seemed like an inconsiderate jerk, he really did truly care about me. They all did, at one point, before they were violently pushed out of my life without a word in edgewise. I was left completely alone and incapable of protecting myself from the outside world. Quil never knew the pain he had caused me by taking away from me the thing that I loved the most. Everything about Quil, his brothers, his life, his happiness, was the reason for my existence, the strength behind the labored breaths I took. When he left, he had taken everything with him, leaving me with nothing.

The small things were gone too. My mom had gotten rid of the old pictures where Quil was with me, leaving us with barely any photo albums, considering Quil had been in my life since practically the beginning of it. Another souvenir was also stripped from me. I encountered it when I was running in the woods one day, desperate to find any reminder of Quil. I had been looking for a meadow he had taken me to, the summer before he left. I remembered when he had brought me there. It had been beautiful. A stream ran through the clearing, the flowing water crashing lightly against the Earth containing it. There were wild flowers and exotic plants. The place looked like it had come straight from a fairy tale. The blades of grass even grew beautifully, each the same shade of the luscious green only the forests in the reservation could maintain. Everything was perfect. That same day we had carved our names into one of the many beautiful trees that surrounded our own private haven. I had been looking for it months after Quil left, desperate for evidence that he was not only a dream, but a solid memory. I did reach it, one cold December day. The magic of the meadow was gone. Ice covered the surface and the snow had killed the beauty it once contained. What tortured me the most however was that the tree had fallen. It had been torn away from its connection to the Earth, uprooted. The base had snapped and shards of wood stuck out from the tree stump. I looked to see if our carving was still there and the large portion of wood it had been carved into was gone, clawed out to an unusual extent. I stayed in my room for two weeks afterwards.

I was brought out of my reminiscing by the piercing sound of a wolf's howl. I envisioned Quil immediately, a chocolate brown wolf, brown due to the color and intensity of his eyes, singing its song in the form of a howl, up to the full moon. Wolves were the main focus of my dreams. I had seen each one of Quil's friends almost every night when I lay asleep. Jacob was stunning, his russet fur the same color of his skin. Seth reminded me of first beach down in La Push, his fur the same radiant color of the sand. Sam's fur was black. His wolf form was stealthy; despite his size, he was as quiet as a shadow and very swift. The wolf that always hit me as most striking was the chocolate brown one. It was Quil. His eyes were the same smoldering brown and carried that same penetrating gaze. The chocolate brown of his eyes had depicted the color of his soft fur. I was never able to come closer in the dream because whenever I advanced Quil's eyes would turn fearful and I would awaken.

With his background being Quileute and his strong connection to his heritage due to Old Quil, I had always envisioned him and his friends as the legends described his people. Wolves. I knew it was an unrealistic idea to anticipate but I was always caught up by the magic of the Quileute legends, and the way Old Quil delivered the legends majestically with the power of his voice evident in with each spoken word. Quil seemed like a wolf also. He was protective of me and aggressive towards other who hurt me. It seemed like he had laid his claim on me, his imprint. I always thought my ideas were unpractical until I saw the same chocolate brown wolf I had imagined in the first place, lurking outside my window in the shadows of the trees. The moonlight had struck out its silhouette hiding in the shadows of the forest and I saw Quil's eyes. I knew it was a ludicrous thought but it always struck me as odd the similarities between the mysterious wolf and my Quil.

I returned to the present reluctantly. After years of grief, I had experienced fleeting happiness in remembering Quil and my past life. But it quickly departed as I realized that my memories of the past weren't my life now and the once happy Claire in my previous existence wasn't the Claire that had grown up and suffered hardships of betrayal and rejection. As I lie there against the cold stone floor sobbing, I cried out Quil's name in desperation, praying for a miracle. I crumpled swiftly to the ground in desperation, unable to stand the stabbing pain in my chest, as I heard my wolf cry out to me once more.

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**So there we have it. Its my first attempt at fanfiction but hopefully i didnt fail miserably :/ **

**Leave reviews if you want me to continue**

**P.S i dont know if its just me but i usually hate it when stories dont have any conversation and talking and its all just inside the persons head..but i wanted Claire's situation and story to get across before i actually brought her life and interactions into the picture..so i dont know if anyone else feels that way too but just know its not permanent. **

**P.S.S if anyone has any ideas as to where this story could go im definetly open to suggestions :)**


	2. Authors Note

**Authors Note:**

**So what are the two words all authors hate?? Anyone? No one? OK heres the answer: Writers Block. **

**And that is my dilema at the moment. I honestly do not know where my story is going at the moment and i really need some ideas.**

**I'm not asking for a whole plot outline because i know kinda what i want (well i know the middle and ending) i just need some help on where im going next (like chapter 2 and 3)**

**So if you want the story to continue please i beg you, help me come up with an idea of where this story can go. I'm desperate :/**

**P.S Thank you guys all for reviewing the first chapter. Some of the responses i got really brightened up my day! I now understand why people say reviews are addicting!!**

**P.S.S I really don't want to let you guys down and i want to continue the story for you all so please help me think of where i can go with my story!!! Pretty Pleasee!!!!! (PUPPY DOG FACE)  
**

**With Love, RenesmeeCarlieBlackxo (Alias: Crystal) :P  
**


	3. Chapter 2: Pain

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Series is part of the magical world in Stephenie Meyers mind and unfortunately so are Quil and Claire. I own nothing…yet**

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**~A Twisted Beauty and her Beast~

Chapter 2: Pain

_The Twentieth of December – Midnight_

_From the Perspective of Quil Ateara_

Every single year on the twentieth of December my Claire succumbed to her anguish. Every single year I felt her pain and my guilt resurfaced with more potency than the other times I had felt remorse for my actions, and the consequences of the suffering it caused Claire. I would exchange my soul without hesitation in return for minutes, seconds of being able to hold her in my arms and ease her pain. Every year I asked for that same miracle.

I watched from the safety and protection of the midnight forests, my wolf eyes allowing me to distinguish the small creature positioned on the cold floor, whose body was being conquered by her suffering. She shifted slightly, unknowing of the way the moonlight shone through the fractures of the treetops and made her beautiful face perceptible to my eyes. My already decomposed heart tore further and I whimpered at the sight of a single tear that journeyed slowly down the length of her face. The struggle was difficult, as I fought against my every ounce of willpower that threatened to make me phase and soothe her grief. After that single glistening drop of clear water cleared from her face, a fresh torrent of new tears overflowed in her eyes and I held my breath as her eyes shut momentarily only to reopen themselves seconds later unleashing the wrath of her pain. The chocolate brown wolf I was recoiled from her at the sight of her tears and crumpled to the ground silently yet with the tremulous weight of the pain I had caused the woman I loved the most. I noticed how in tune her actions were with mine. Even though she had not sensed my presence her body had withdrawn from the tree she had rested against and closed the few inches in proximity I had made between us. The information brought me more misery as I realized the effect her body had towards the closeness of mine and the physical pain it would bring her later.

Why had I left her, my Claire? The reason seemed worthless to me now, only a sheer action taken out of my own cowardice. Was it worth the consequence? Claire's silent pain in her everyday life? Me watching the outcome of my decisions from afar? Although I had given up on my faith in myself, I knew I had to believe that this had been the right decision. I had taken Claire's life away from the many dangers I knew she faced with me. She should be allowed to find her happiness without me, to have normal relationships. Not a relationship based on secrets and lies. Imprinting and werewolves. Dangers and vampires. She deserved so much more than the little I had to offer. She deserved true happiness, but she hadn't yet discovered a way to let me go. She held onto every memory, every reminder I promised her she'd never find.

One day, months after I had gone back on every promise I had made to protect her, she went into the forest. The day was cold and my Claire had nothing but a camisole and pajamas on her small figure. Immediately without even the slightest knowledge of where her subconscious was taking her, I knew. She was going back to the meadow, our meadow. And I knew the hope she would feel if what she sought after was still there. Blinded with determination, sadness, and rage, I ran for the clearing. I gasped at the beauty of the sight; even in the ice it still retained its mystical air of secrecy and tranquility. Yet I destroyed it. Every remnant of its beauty was stripped by my claws. The withering flowers scattered, the grass where I had held her in my arms clawed out, until all that was left was the tree. As I approached it I phased. The human Quil walked towards the tree hesitantly and I immediately sought out its hidden promise of eternal love I had made to Claire. My fingertips brushed the carving, and I closed my eyes, reminiscing the moment in my life I would give anything to return to. A heavy tear with the weight of many lonely nights slid down my cheek and I felt agony as I experienced a strong desire to return to my past life. My mourning was transformed into an unadulterated rage. I disconnected from my body, the desire to become a wolf stronger than ever before. I knew I would not be able to escape my suffering this way, but I found solace in the illusion of strength I felt flow through my veins when I transformed. I hated the vulnerability I felt as a human. Allowing my self to be conquered by the transformation, I detached all emotions and feeling from my mind; and the rage I had once felt translated into the abuse of my surroundings. I mutilated the tree. The once beautiful woodland plant was annihilated. I had uplifted the tree by its roots, the sickening crack causing me to flinch and become aware of the monstrosity of my actions. I detected Claire's scent less than a mile away and my mind was set once again. I clawed at the carving with determination and strength. Desperately I sought to eradicate the last declaration of our love, the last shred of hope Claire had within her. Traces of my blood found purchase in the crevices of the wood, and I realized the extent of my fury. Frantic, my angel broke through the last line of the trees and the sheer desperation and anguish on her face was enough to make me whimper. I was able to grasp the tenor of her thoughts through the imprint, one of the rare abilities the Quileute wolves had only recently discovered they could achieve with their soul mates. The devastation on her face was nothing compared to what I experienced and felt through her eyes. The magic and beauty was gone. Uprooted by the monster I was, although she didn't know that I had caused the destruction. Her breathing became quick and shallow, and that single treacherous tear slid down the beautifully carved porcelain features of her face. She had lost all hope in that moment, given up on me. Something in me broke.

I felt someone phase, miles away, and I hated myself for the vulnerability I had allowed in remembering Claire. She still sat there, in the visibility of my eyes, the light still catching her glorious face and making her pain known to me.

"_Get out of hear Clearwater," _I snarled in my head.

"_Make me Ateara." _Leah growled just as fiercely.

"_Listen Leah I'm not in the mood for your bullshit right now."_

"_Oh don't give me that crap. Just because you don't have enough balls to do the right thing and go to Claire doesn't mean that you have the right to treat everyone like crap and order them around Ateara."_

I felt like laughing at her.

"_And what exactly is it that you do Leah? Hmm? As far as I'm concerned you made life hell for all of us when you phased. No one wanted to hear your hatred for Sam but you made it known to the world. You're such a fucking hypocrite Leah."_

She was silent for many minutes, before she spoke and when she did her voice was strangled and hesitant.

"_It's not the same."_

If would have been human I know she would have been crying. Her vulnerability surprised me.

"_How"_

She sighed, her thoughts racing as she tried to arrange them in terms I could comprehend.

"_You can make her happy Quil; no one could do that for me. You have the chance to end her misery and yours, to allow her to experience true happiness. You have the power to love her with your entire life, to devote yourself to her and protect and make her safe. It's the imprint, Quil. I know how much I talk bullshit about imprinting but I would give anything, anything, to be able to experience it. When I phased I made life hell for everyone because I finally realized the extent of Sam's love for Emily; and it hurt because I knew I would never be able to encounter that love with Sam. And you, you're wasting it. You're causing her suffering and you have the fucking chance to change it all. My life was hell when Sam left me, even more when I understood the reason why, but I can guarantee you that it is nothing compared to what Claire is experiencing. And you know I'm right, because I can hear it in your thoughts and I see her in your head," _I looked at Claire still curled up in her agony and my heart broke at Leah's words.

"_You see what I mean," _Leah continued,_ "the pain you're causing her. Can you understand why? Why I hate you for doing this to her? Why I abhor your existence and hate the pain you cause my cousin when you can end her suffering and give her all she could ever desire. Love, devotion, security. You can make her so fucking happy but you've deluded yourself into thinking your not good enough. You're her fucking imprint!" _

There was silence in her thoughts. Leah had never opened herself up to me, or anyone this much. Her admission stunned me.

"_Yeah," _she thought bitterly_, "Why don't you run along now and tell the rest of the pack what I said. It's not like they wouldn't enjoy hearing about how 'fucked up Leah is'" _She sighed and I was quiet for many minutes.

"_Did that mean anything to you," _she finally asked silently, the question in her thoughts surfacing.

I sighed. Leah's confession had signified to me the extent of Claire's depression. Being able to hear the hatred and bitterness in her heart, see it fully without barriers, I began to comprehend after two years the degree of Claire's pain. And the raw emotion Leah had allowed me to experience through her thoughts made my guilt intensify. In my contemplation I had barely noticed the silence in my mind. Leah had phased back, leaving me to wallow in my remorse. I forced a glance at Claire's small silhouette, her body curled into itself as the tears continued to flow. Suddenly everything seemed to be in slow motion, and I watched as her glorious lips formed around that one dangerous word. _Quil_. The musical voice of my angel sang out to me. Intoxicating me as her breath swirled into the midnight air, forming a wintry puff that threatened to overwhelm me. Only this time the beauty and strength I usually found in her words were gone. Massacred by what I had done. My head tilted backwards and I glanced at the moon, challenging it with my gaze as my lips formed themselves around my sound of mourning.

I watched from the safeguard of the forest as the breath from my pain and Claire's swirled together towards the heavens and intertwined.

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**Auhors Note: **

**My sincerest apologies for the delay!!!! Honestly i didn't know how to continue with the story, but now i have a more realistic sense of where the story is going. (Thank God!) So here's my plan. You guys can tell me what you think. I plan on having the story switch off at times into Quil's perspective, not often because i wanted to keep it with Claire but i think you guys might like the brief time in Quil's mind. (but then again you'll tell me that when you review) **

**Also i plan on updating at least once a week (i know sorry!!) but its just until im a few more chapters ahead and i have a strong idea of the plot. then once im confident with my writing ill switch the update to at least 2-3 times a week ok?? So the next update, so help me God (lol), will be next Thursday ok? (It might be earlier depending on whether i finish the next chapter soon) If i don't have it updated by thursday i give you all permission to unleash the wrath of the wolves upon me lol. **

**And finally i would like to thank everyone who reviewed and give a special thanks to Lori Duchess whose fabulous review helped me overcome my stupid writers block and think of some pretty awesome ideas. :) but honestly each one of your reviews brightens up my day and puts a smile on my face. So thank you for the support, i really appreciate it. ****Remember, reviews are my brand of heroin. **

**Love always, RenesmeeCarlieBlackxo  
**

**P.S I've been thinking that i might send you guys all sneak peaks of the next chapter if you review so...click the little green button!!!!  
**


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